These few weeks Ive been trying my hardest to get the old you back. Or rather old us back. Sometimes Ill think of us when we first met. How close we’ve become and Ive been repeatedly asking myself, how should I act so I can get us back. Have I changed? or was it you? or was it circumstances which force us to be like that? Most of the time, I thought it was me. I thought Ive changed.
But it was not easy living like this. I was trying so hard to get the old me back that I dont really know who i was anymore. Until now, I still have no idea what had happened to us. Maybe it was a change of heart. Maybe you got bored. Maybe my personality changed such that I wasnt the old me anymore. Either way, Im sorry I couldnt get us back anymore. and I dont wish to keep trying anymore. I know you have moved on, and so will i in weeks, mths to come.
Ill miss us though, the old us. I know you will too, right?
Now that you are back, I find myself not knowing how to talk to you already. My heart dies a little whenever someone we know mentions your name. I dont know what has happened to the days when we used to whatsapp or skype everyday.I cant help but think if its only just me or do you feel it too?
I really kind of miss us. So this is what 2 months of not meeting does to people?
I dont know if you will ever get to read this, but I feel like Ive disappointed you and I know our relationship will never be the same again. I shouldnt have scolded you or force you to change or tweet about mean statuses. If I were you, I would have expected my sister to be supportive of whatever Im doing as well. If you ever get to read this, I just want to you to know that maybe its because Ive experienced the same shit once and it was so painful I really dont want you to go through the same, or maybe its so painful that I dont want to go through it again so I forced you to end it fast.
I dont know how to say this to you, so here it goes. If time were to go back, I wouldnt have done what I have. Im sorry.
I know you are doing well there. But I really cant help but to think of you whenever Im alone. Maybe Im just lonely. Well, cant be helped can it? Ive been eating lunches alone and having study dates with myself. Its not that big a difference from last semester. but somehow it feels like this semester has been lonelier than ever. Sure, there are project mates, ive made new friends etc. But its just not the same. I miss last semester’s laughter, the jokes, the coffeeshop hangouts, the late nights and the crazy-anyhow blabber, the MANY calls we made to clarify a concept, a doubt, a question.
School sucks without you and the days are passing slower than ever.
i miss you.
Or maybe Im just sick of departures.
Sick of planes.
Sick of goodbyes.
I want to go back.
I know its not possible.
So I came here to rant.
Its not the same anymore. and I know I must move on.
So I will.
After saying what I want here to my heart’s content.
Guess Im feeling abit better already
Okay, nuff said. I will survive.
I really really miss you a lot.
Somehow grades dont matter that much anymore. I dont know why, but it really seems so trivial all of a sudden. Yes, I still want to do well, but sometimes its only a bonus. If i dont do as ideal, i dont get terribly sad over it as well. I think because i realsed that there is more to that. Sometimes working hard may not be the smartest way to get what you want.
argh i dont know what to say anymore.
im jst a little bewildered, lost, emotional, crazy, desperate, puzzled, amazed, relieved, and every little of other emotion i guess. or maybe none of it at all.
The key to Happiness?
Dont think so much. Dont Compare. Just Keep Calm and Trust Him.
What I’ve been telling myself everyday.
Will try to live by it.
i want to rant.
Is it possible to feel so sick of everything? So sick of the rat race, so sick of trying to get the optimal grades so that I cant get THE PERFECT JOB. So mentally exhausted with all the overflowing information. Maybe I just need a break. from MY life. Cos being me is just exhausting.
Today’s a really bad day. I fucked up big time. Full stop.
somehow i loled at this. HAHA
well.. maybe you’re right.
Im not good with people.
But its hard to think that people will like you after having gone through so many bad experiences.
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